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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more dif
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
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O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Methotrexate And Rheumatoid Arthritis, Celebrex Uses Back Pain, Subcutaneous Methotrexate And Rheumatoid Arthritis.
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relati
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
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I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
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I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
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I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
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I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
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When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
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